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Saturday, December 17, 2005

Mirror, Mirror

The mirror never lies
Deception is not in her hazel eyes
That weep spiteful tears
It's all in her mind.
She critisises the giant, ugly shape she sees,
A real reflection shows her arms thin as twigs,
hip bones protuding, bones razor-sharp,
Fragile.
Careful, she might blow away in the wind.
She better watch her step, she might snap.
Her strength is a weakness,
Her fasts last longer, she fights a battle with her enemy:food.
Surving a whole day without it
Her biggest achievement
She defeated her hunger, long ago
Each pound lost, more of her soul erodes away
Fast weakening metabolism, deterioating spirit
Her friends and family worry,
They reach out in hope of saving her.
She pushes them out.
How can they understand?
The work, the endurance, it took to lose all the ugliness, the vileness, the fat?
Can't they see is is on her way to becoming beautiful?
Obsession has taken over in her mission
Striving for perfection, acceptance in her mind.
She wants to be the envied one,
she wants to be a thin as the models in her magazines.
Her conscience is starving.
Her body is crumbling.

I wrote this based on my own perceptions of how it would feel to be an anorexic. I myself was close to becoming one a couple of years ago, as I went through a phase of extreme control with my exercise and food, resulting in a becoming very underweight. I wouldn't consider myself anorexic though because now I'm more the other way. My problem is that I eat too much, rather than too little. I'd love to be able to say i have a healthy relationship with food. But I can't yet.

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Who you calling a bitch, Bitch?

I would not like to think fo myself as a bitch. Infact thats the last word people would use to describe me. In generally, bitchy people annoy me and I think it is such a waste of time to critisise other people, slate them behind their back, highlighting all their flaws..and especially if you genuinely hate them or don't like them-I think why bother allowing them to be the topic fo your conversation?

Gossip is poison. I take Heat, Now,and any tabloid with a pinch of salt. Doesn't mean I don't read them from time to time. Even though I feel very strongly about the world of celebrities and the issue of fame, I still share the fascination of how the famous people spend their lives. I am sick of the skinny pics though, it really is getting old. On every cover, it's STARS GET EVEN SKINNIER! TOP 30 SKINNY STARS OF 2005! and next to the photos of the skeletal stars, they appear negative and yet I feel that the more attention they give to them, the more they encourage it. The more, young people who have issues with their weight and appearance will struggle. All the pro-anoxerics will see these photos of stars, looking unhealthily thin and bony, and feel more inspired. And those who are trying to lose weight, could lead to feel they haven't lost enough, because next to Nicole Richie's child liked figure, they feel fat.
(I went through an anorexic stage a few years back and since then have battled with compulsive eating disorder/weight issues)

As for this blog, I just decided like starting one today. I like to write. I have a lot of opinions that I want to share with people. And I find writing very therapeutic..helps me offload my feelings.

I like to hear what other people think too, so comment away.

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